Suffering in the Privacy of Our Tents—
A D’var Torah on Parashat Balak
By Beth Greenapple
(This d'var Torah, literally "words of Torah" or sermon, was delivered at Congregation Beth Ahm in West Bloomfield, MI, on Saturday, July 9, 2011, as part of its Summer Sermon Series, which invites congregants to become guest speakers.)
In Parashat Balak, we hear the story of a wizard, Bilaam, hired by a king, Balak, to curse the Israelites. When Bilaam opens his mouth to utter the curse, out comes a blessing:
Ma tovu ohalecha Ya’akov, mishk’notecha Yisrael!
How good are your tents, Jacob, your dwellings, Israel!
What accounts for this spontaneous outburst of beneficence?
The parasha itself explains that Bilaam could only say the words G-d put in his mouth. Midrash explains it differently, telling us Balak saw how our tents were positioned so that the opening to one tent faced an unbroken outer wall of another. No two tent openings faced each other, thereby preserving privacy, the sanctity of family, and modesty, really important Jewish and human societal values.
However, like any ideal, the preservation of privacy can be taken too far if we become oblivious to the suffering of our neighbors.
In Deut. 16:20, the Torah tells us, “Tzedek, tzedek tirdof.”—"Justice, justice you shall pursue."
These are mighty words. And, as the Torah never wastes words, when a word is repeated, there is meaning to be gleaned.
I believe the first “tzedek”—“justice” —is for ourselves. The second is for our neighbor.
As suggested by the announcement about oxygen masks on a plane, “Should there be a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the panel above you. Please secure your own mask before helping the person next to you,” if we don’t take care of ourselves first, we cannot be in a position to help another. As it is with airplane oxygen masks, so it is with justice. Oxygen. Justice.
Now for the phrase, “you shall pursue.” “Shall” is a command. It expresses obligation, determination, and certainty. “To pursue” is to chase after. Not just to have an interest in or stay abreast of, but to actively, aggressively go after and take actions to ensure justice.
We—the American Jewish community—understood this when Black Americans were fighting for equal civil rights under the law back in the 60s. Rabbis got involved. Other Jews got involved. We marched. We wrote letters. We argued. We lobbied. We voted. We helped change laws.
Now, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered—LGBT/GLBT—people are fighting for our civil rights. Not just the right to marry—to have equal, legal recognition for our relationships and families—also, for basic civil protections from discrimination.
My family and I have felt welcome here at Beth Ahm since the moment we set foot in the door. In fact, for the most part, we have felt welcomed and embraced in the Detroit Jewish Community. We love your smiles and hugs, and we love being treated like any other Jew who walks into the building or any building in our community. We are greeted with warmth and concern. Now, it’s time go beyond that. Perhaps, though, you need more information about what exactly is going on in our tents that we experience as suffering.
First, a story that underlines a few of the many basic civil rights heterosexual married people enjoy and probably take for granted:
Two Michigan women in a committed relationship choose to start a family. With the help of reproductive technology, one is impregnated with an embryo created from the other woman’s egg and donor sperm. The baby has a gestational relationship to the carrier, a genetic relationship to her partner. Both adore him from the moment he is conceived.
Unfortunately, only one of them has a legal relationship to the baby when he is born. His birth certificate only bears the name of the carrier. Wherever they go, they have to bring with them documents drawn up by a lawyer so that, in case of an emergency, the unrecognized parent can make decisions on behalf of the child, or even be spoken to as a parent by doctors, caregivers, teachers, and others governed by privacy laws. Only by a stroke of luck and timing—one renegade Michigan judge, for a short time, was granting dual, same-sex-parent adoptions, because the laws then on the books did not specifically prohibit them—is the couple able to effect a legal adoption that names both as parents. Yet they still have to carry their adoption papers with them everywhere they go, because the state will still not issue a proper birth certificate. Then, Governor Jennifer Granholm takes office and orders Michigan’s government to issue a birth certificate with both parents’ names on it to the handful of couples fortunate enough to have received a dual, same-sex-parent adoption judgement. And here’s a glimpse deep into the couple’s tent: Because the judge wanted to make sure no one could challenge the adoption she granted, there were ten minutes during the proceeding when both of women had to sign away all rights to their child, so that the baby was “available” for adoption. Both mothers experienced those ten minutes as the longest, most terrifying ten minutes of their lives. Take a moment to imagine signing away all rights to your baby.
Here are other real-life examples of injustice and suffering of which you may not be aware:
- A lesbian who, upon her spouse giving birth to a premature baby with health issues, is told by medical staff that she is not the “real mother” and is not allowed to know details or even be in the room with the love of her life and their newborn—not to mention the birth mother not having the presence and support of her spouse in a very personal, medical crisis. Ironically, the spouse is a pediatrician, but the staff won’t even talk to her as a fellow medical professional. The child is now nine. The mothers still feel enraged at this treatment.
- A gay male couple arrives at a local emergency room for one of them to receive treatment for asthma. The partner is kept completely out of the loop, unable even to give medical history, while the patient struggles just to breathe, never mind answer questions. The staff will not inform him of his partner’s progress. These two men have lived together as if married for 27 years. To this day, the partner chokes up when he tells the story of being legally demeaned and denied.
- Upon returning to work from a holiday weekend, a gay man participates in casual office conversations with co-workers. When the conversation turns to spouses’ incompatible tastes in food, he avoids or changes pronouns and names, because he can be fired if his boss finds out he’s gay—unlike Balak who actually had to do something in opposition to his job description to deserve to be fired!
- A girl in school who is perceived to be boyish is teased mercilessly by classmates that she is gay, until she begs her parents to move her to another school. The school is not obligated by law to do anything about the vicious behavior. This girl doesn’t even know what it means to be sexual, much less homosexual. The teasing began when she was nine-and-a-half.
- Two men, postgraduate fellows who have a two-year teaching contract, and who met at new-faculty orientation at a local university, fill out a rental application for an apartment near campus, though not in a traditional university housing neighborhood. They are denied the apartment because the landlord assumes they are a gay couple and can legally discriminate against them. Their weeks-long search, and imposition on friends as hosts, is forced to continue as the semester begins.
Everyone knows someone who is gay: A member of your family, a co-worker, a friend or a friend’s child or parent, a business owner whose store you frequent. It’s time for all of us to come out, not just LGBT people themselves. I’m going to help you take the first step toward becoming active, out-of-the-closet allies.
Think for a moment and then hold up the number of fingers that represents the number of GLBT people you, personally, know. If everyone does not hold up one finger, I’ll be surprised. After all, you know me. If you know ten or more, hold up both hands.
Look around, everyone... Thank you.
Now, I want to tell you what the next steps are:
Short-term: The Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act was written and passed in 1976. It “enumerated” several “classes” of people who were to be protected from discrimination in employment, housing, and public accommodations. It has since been amended to now prohibit such discrimination based on religion, race, color, national origin, age, sex, height, weight, and marital status. It must be amended further to enumerate sexual orientation, gender identity—how a person feels regardless of how he or she was born—and gender expression (think of the examples I just gave about people who were perceived to be different from the norm, whether or not they actually were). Learn about the proposal to amend the act and work toward its passage. Our legislators especially need to hear from faith communities in order to answer those who claim, against us, to know for certain G-d’s personal opinion.
Long-term: This state, in 2004, passed an amendment to our constitution, a document originally intended to protect the rights of all citizens, and that now denies the rights of some citizens. The amendment defines marriage as “between one man and one woman for any purpose.” That has got to go. It is being used not only to deny loving couples the right to marry (something I am proud to say my home state of New York just granted!), but to deny children and spouses in families headed by lesbians and gays working for state institutions and unions the right to health care and other benefits. It makes our state wildly unpopular for business and labor, does further damage to our already broken economy, and likely has a trickle-down effect on you and your business, believe it or not. Equal rights are good for everyone in a society.
A link to the Jewish Gay Network of Michigan, an organization educating and fighting for equal—not special—rights for LGBT people, is HERE. You can also "Like" our Facebook page to get updates about events and activities of the JGN. Here, too, are links to Equality Michigan and the ACLU LGBT Project. Please, click on the links. Begin to learn and contribute time, energy, ideas, and funds to our fight. Become an active ally!
Lo alecha ha’m’lacha ligmor, v’lo ata ben chorin l’hibateyl mimena.
Tzedek, tzedek tirdof.
It is not upon you to complete the work. And neither are you free to desist from starting and contributing to the active pursuit of justice for yourself and all people.
Eem eyn ani li, mi li? If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
Uch’sheh ani l’atzmi, ma ani? And if I am only for myself, what am I?
Your neighbors are suffering in their tents.
Hugs and smiles will always be wonderful—please, keep them coming!
And these are no longer enough.
V’eem lo achshav, eymatai?
And if not now, when?
Shabbat shalom! (Sabbath peace/completeness!)
